A new realization

As many of you know, I'm an only child. Unfortunately, my mom was not able to have any more children. Problems that would be easily solved now with the advances of medicine were at that time basically a sentence of infertility. I can only imagine how devastating this was to my mom, especially as all of her sisters-in-law were having many children. Having had my own stint with infertility in my mid 20s for about 4 years, I understood a fraction of the heartbreak, but even then, I still already had two children. And I felt incredibly blessed when our two sweet little girls, Anna and Rachel came along.

I have always felt like something was missing from my life though. I'd see friends as a child take care of their siblings and I would think how unfair it was that I was alone. I had even occasionally thought (even though I know it's not rational) that it was some sort of punishment and how unfair it was that I was an only. Even now, as I hear or read of people speaking with or visiting with their sisters and brothers, I feel a slight pang of envy, or feel a nagging hole, like something is missing. Often, as a child, I would cry about the unfairness of my situation. Sometimes I still do.....I'll admit it.

Obviously there is nothing I can do about it. I love my parents and am so thankful to be their daughter! I just used to imagine what it would be like to have siblings ~ I'd make up whole families and even wrote down names and birthdates and other such important information. I kept this "family info" in a peechee folder ~ you know...the ones with the yellowish color with the people playing sports on the covers?

As I was sitting in Relief Society today listening to the lesson about what our purpose is here on earth, I had an thought or prompting come to my mind which came out of the blue. I realized that in the pre-mortal existance, I knew I was going to a family and would be the only child. I agreed to be the only child of John and LeeAnn Lamphiear. Why was I feeling sorry for myself, when I recognized that I had been asked and had accepted that particular difficulty in my life? I was literally floored and moved to tears right in the middle of the meeting. How can I feel sorry for myself, when it was something I had chosen?

For what I traded off, I feel incredibly blessed to have exceptional parents whom I love very much. I have a completely different kind of relationship with them than I would have had, had I not been the only child. As my mom always told me, and still does tell me, that when something is denied to someone, other blessings are given...tender mercies from our Heavenly Father.

I have amazing friends who are probably better friends to me than some siblings are to each other.

I left church feeling as though I was no longer missing anything.....rather, I felt full to the brim, knowing that my Heavenly Father doesn't ask me to do anything that I can't handle. I still am feeling close to tears, but this time, they are tears of overwhelming happiness and joy as I can now move forward, no longer feeling sorry for myself.